I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize