Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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