how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
