Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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