i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
