im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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