come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
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I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
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She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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