if you like me you must not know who I am
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
