i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
