A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
