is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
