Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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