I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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