you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
