Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
