Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
