I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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