fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
