there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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