I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
