she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
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You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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