i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
