Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
