im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
