oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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