I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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