please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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