Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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