He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
