Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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