I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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