were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
