Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
