Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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