You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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