We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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