I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
