i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize