dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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