Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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