I wanna bring you to show and tell
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is the high leading the old right now
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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