honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
