I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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