Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
