Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Randomize
