I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
