I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
