So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
