I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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