I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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