Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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