yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
