I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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