He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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