Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
All the doctor said was why
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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