I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
