Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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