we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
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I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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