Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
