I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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