as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
