plz talk dirty to me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
