i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
