Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
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I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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