Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
