So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
