i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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