I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
