Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
