I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
