I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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