Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
