I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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