Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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