Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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