Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
