I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
