he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
